Where do I start tonight?... the mixed emotions that have just plagued me over the last couple of days or the toll that this so called "journey" is having on my marriage... the fact that our amazing sex life has become about the chase of getting pregnant and less about us as a couple and the fact that I cant reprogram my brain otherwise at the moment... or what about the fact that I am at times ready to quit this whole thing and hang up my hopes and live with the reality that we just wont get our baby... I love JT madly and I want our passion back... I just dont know how to get back there and past all the baby chase that has now finally consumed us... in a moment of self defeat lastnight I said to JT that we should stop trying after the injections and just move on... try atleast... hes so strong... stronger than me... his response... we cant give up... we cant do that... I so desperately want this and yet I am so worn... so worn down by the months of disappointment... when will it end?... and if it doesnt end... how will I possibly truly live with this thing called infertility which took away our baby that we will possibly never meet and the sibling that Luke will never have?... how?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
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2 comments:
Huge hugs hun xoxo
Reading this entry tears at my heart strings & brings back so many memories & feelings that I once had.
Dont give up, try & turn your desperation into determination ;)
Try not to put your relationship 2nd to this dream dont wait to rebuild your passion the best babies are made from passion.
I told myself once that I would only try until I turned 30 (then I would give myself back to my husband and my whole heart back to my exsisting children) then went through 2 more m/cs & another 3 yrs of hoping, heartache & hell. Finally my dream baby came I was 29 & 10 months lol
The only thing I look back on and wish I could change now is the years & tears I used up being sad and desperate & not still enjoying my life, hubby and kids xoxo
Reading that Sarah makes so much sense and I know what I need to do...I am so sorry you lost that time and I know that I have 3 years till I am 30 and do not want to waste a second of that time putting JT and Luke on a backseat...JT and I used to have such a fantastic and passionate life together...we love eachother so much still it has just become about the baby chase it seems though...its so hard not to get swept up in my emotions when all around me ppl are celebrating their new life and I feel left behind somehow but reading your story...will make me try that lil bit harder even to put things right...to still chase that dream but nurture what we have in this moment...thankyou so much for sharing that and all your support...you have no idea what it means to me...<3
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